Step 2 in Overcoming Triggers: Allow Yourself to “Feel”

July 23, 2012 by Luann Robinson Hull 3 Comments

We’ve been covering the subject of emotional triggers, recognizing them and dealing with, or overcoming them. Triggers are those little situations or interactions with others that elicit negative or, to put it nicely, “passionate” reactions from us.   Once you’ve recognized a trigger, there are steps you can take to help unwind your reactive inclinations.  As we discussed last time, step one is to Stop Before You Speak or Act. We learned that by doing this, it not only allows us the opportunity to breathe and calm down, but to think rationally before we speak or act on a decision.

Feel Charm Image from: www.RobbieWilliams.com

Step 2 (and an excerpt from my book “Happily Ever After Right Now… Stop Searching! Start Celebrating!”) is to Feel what you are feeling: Don’t resist. Allow what is there to be there.

As the feelings emerge, avoid the impulse to withdraw or lash out (anything that resembles passive or aggressive behavior is not appropriate).  Rather, permit whatever is bubbling up in you to expose itself (but keep it to yourself at this point). Identify what emotion is most prevalent: Do you feel mad, glad, sad, or scared?  Is anything happening in your body?  Is your chest tight or is your heart pounding?  To be successful in shifting this situation to the positive, keep inquiring.  What is *really* going on here?

Whenever we experience an adverse response to something or someone, almost always fear is the culprit. And we have to realize that fear can often be a fierce opponent. It is clever and manipulative and will always for for our weakest spot. Fear starts in the mind, beginning with doubt, and then growing into full-blown anxiety. When it reaches paranoia, reason doesn’t help. Our anxiety turns into dread, despair, and eventual desolation. And so, we have to learn to manage our fear before it takes over and manages us. One way is to sit still in what may appear to be the virtual prison of fear. Strange as it may seem, it is in this place of confinement that you can actually begin to become detached. There is no right or wrong way to do this. Just practice allowing whatever feeling arises to be there without having the need to react to it, change it, or judge it. Focus on your breath. Feel your nostrils expand as you inhale and the warm air on your lips as you exhale. *Keep doing this* (difficult as it may seem) until your clammy hands and pounding heart have normalized. Now, ask yourself if you can communicate without projecting blame. If you are not there yet, keep your mouth shut until you can. This is all about patience and practice. And, the exercise is for *you* and *your* growth. Take the potion, bitter as it may seem, and remember that the beautiful pearl that forms inside the oyster begins as the irritant.

— Chapter 6, Alchemy: Take Back Your Projections, “Happily Ever After Right Now… Stop Searching! Start Celebrating!” by Luann Robinson Hull

Try this step. Start small on those things that are minor irritants. As you begin to form pearls from those triggers, move on to more challenging irritations. Soon, you’ll be rich in emotional pearls!

See you soon with the next step to overcoming those things that trigger you.

Love,

Luann

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All content copyright 2012, What A Gem, a.k.a. Luann Robinson Hull (a.k.a. Happily Ever After Right Now)