What a Gem

Thoughts to Contemplate by Dr. Luann Robinson Hull


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A New Relationship Paradigm

In a relationship model where happiness (not to be confused with immediate gratification or pleasure) is the primary value, the Prince could be seen as a gift that Cinderella had not expected. Had he not shown up, she would have gone on to live her life contentedly. (Naturally, the same would be true for the Prince.) He was a partner with whom she could experience an even grander version of herself. Their combined love and devotion would provide a new opportunity for growth, individually as well as a couple. They would come to know that their relationship was just one of a multitude of choices for developing their personal and collective talents and treasures.

Image Credit: http://www.soulconnectnow.com/new-love-paradigm/

Cinderella and Prince Charming would have a chance to open to more glorious versions of themselves moment to moment, both as individuals and as partners, by contributing to each other’s strengths. “Happily ever after,” however, is not guaranteed in this new version of the story, where freedom is the foundation of the relationship. In such a paradigm, happiness moment to moment (Happily Ever After… Right Now) is the key. Their love and growth would be a daily process of choice, compassion, truth, and free will, where they would be replicating the divine example “In loving you, I want your will for you (Walsch, 1995).” They might see themselves on a common journey toward growth and expansion on this moment, but later would belong to the mysterious unknown.

Most everyone resists the idea of being alone, which can trigger our primal fears related to abandonment. Yet if Prince Charming and Cinderella could sustain a degree of conscious awareness, they would know on some level that ultimate separation through death or dissolution would be inevitable. If Cinderella happened to be the one alone again, she would likely go through some periods of normal grief and bereavement. And yet, assuming she maintained her autonomy and individuation in the relationship, her transition into becoming “single” could actually be seamless. She doesn’t have to create dramas or go into self-pity and blame, but instead can look upon all that has happened as a foundation for her ongoing growth and continued contributions to the world. As she moves through challenges and changes, she has the opportunity to be directed by new passions and inspirations to which she may have been awakened as a result of this recent experience. She can keep opening her heart and then melt into grander and more glorious ways of being, involving new projects and people. The possibilities are endless.

Love,

Luann

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REPLY TO THIS POSTOther readers would love to hear your thoughts this article! Please post a comment or leave a reply here.

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Join Me on the Huffington Post!

I’m thrilled to be published on the Huffington Post! I would love for you to take a look at my first post there, and if you’re inclined, it would be wonderful if you would click the Facebook “like” for the article, and write a comment. Click here to go to that article. Thanks so much!

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You can find the book “Happily Ever After Right Now. Stop Searching! Start Celebrating!” here.

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Excerpt from page 56-57 of my book, “Happily Ever After Right Now… Stop Searching! Start Celebrating!

GRATITUDE: 

I want to extend a very special thanks and gratitude to Cindy and all of those on my wonderful “Happily” team who make these posts (as well as the emails and social media) possible, and make them come together in a beautiful way!  Without their dedication and help, I wouldn’t be here “blogging” or sharing information with you electronically!  I would still be writing on my yellow tablets!

Image Credit: http://www.soulconnectnow.com/new-love-paradigm/

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Connection: A Paradox

Représentation d'anneaux borroméens vus de pro...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As we concentrate on balancing whatever appears to be out of whack in ourselves, at some point we come to understand that our capacity to love, create, and reach our most expanded potential cannot be complete without experiencing human relationships. And the paradox inherent in this realization is that we won’t be truly balanced until we are willing to let go of everything to which we believe we must be connected in order to survive. Often our attachments and addictions are subtle. We can rationalize them, particularly when we don’t want to take a look at what we might be doing to create our own misery. Frequently we feel that it is impossible to detach from our harmful habits, at least until nothing else works. You do not have to wait for that moment. You can start now, even if you begin by just admitting to yourself that there is one little aspect of your life that isn’t working. Dare to stare at that detail, whatever it is, even if only for a moment. What keeps you from changing it?

Now, ask yourself a few more questions. What is it that you most want to hold on to? Is it your identity, your man, your children, your friends, your parents, or your career? Are these “things” or people really yours to possess? What does the word “identity” or “Personality” mean to you? Are you, your job, your car, your house, your role as a partner or a parent? Conversely, if you are not these things, who are you, then?

The truth is, who you really are does not crave happiness, connection, joy, love, peace, health, money, or freedom. Because the real you knows that “it” already is these things. And when you are operating fully from this essential “youness,” you are moved from “That” which moves all things. While in such a state of awareness, you don’t need to evaluate why this is so, or ask questions about what is happening. You don’t allow the voice of fear to manipulate you or to make you doubt who you really are. You are just simply living life. You are not driven by your social and cultural conditioning. Rather, you are effortlessly moved by the ocean of spirit that stirs within you, above you, beside you, and beneath you.

We cannot depend on our partners to generate the breakthroughs that are going to create in us a simple, profound awareness that will set us free from suffering and longing. Only we ourselves are capable of discovering what truly connects us to the heart of our very own soul. And we make this discovery by bravely turning to face all that has kept us from seeing our hidden wholeness. But first, we must connect with our own true Self. When we ignore or defy her, we will suffer. In partnering with our own authentic Essence, then do we prepare the way to partner with another.

I am convinced we are bound for success.

Love,

Luann

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Be sure to forward this to someone you love.

REPLY TO THIS POSTI’d love to hear from you about this article! Please post a comment or leave a reply here.

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Join Me on the Huffington Post!

I’m thrilled to be published on the Huffington Post! I would love for you to take a look at my first post there, and if you’re inclined, it would be wonderful if you would click the Facebook “like” for the article, and write a comment. Click here to go to that article. Thanks so much!

————–

You can find the book “Happily Ever After Right Now. Stop Searching! Start Celebrating!” here.

Register to receive my weekly gems via email by clicking HERE (you may unsubscribe at any time, and we never spam)

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Excerpts from page 201-202 of my book, “Happily Ever After Right Now… Stop Searching! Start Celebrating!”

GRATITUDE: 

I want to extend a very special thanks and gratitude to Cindy and all of those on my wonderful “Happily” team who make these posts (as well as the emails and social media) possible, and make them come together in a beautiful way!  Without their dedication and help, I wouldn’t be here “blogging” or sharing information with you electronically!  I would still be writing on my yellow tablets!

Image Credit: http://shiningstar73.blogspot.com/2010/09/knowing-is-connection-by-yehuda-berg.html


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What You Seek Already Exists

Spotter

Spotter (Photo credit: Jay Aremac)

When we focus on and trust our insights and inspirations (which are the voices that guide us to fulfilling our passions and dreams), the urgent need to obtain security in another or outside of us will begin to melt away and eventually disappear. Widows who have learned to become dependent on their husbands, for example, often discover a multitude of inner strength, courage, and wisdom following the death of their spouse. The same is true of women who have broken up with their partners. As they move through the stages of grief, they are frequently astounded by the sense of power and delight that accompanies the process of developing their independence.

Sara made some important discoveries about herself while spending almost an entire year without a significant other. Even though she missed having a boyfriend at times, she realized that there were aspects about being single that brought her absolute joy. Her discoveries included learning about her dining preferences, what movies she liked, and when she wanted to stay home to enjoy a quiet evening alone. A few months into the experience, she began to notice a sense of fulfillment and joy that was unprecedented in her life. During this time frame, her career soared, and several friendships with both women and men flourished. When she started a relationship with Tim, whom she now describes as “the love of her life,” she was ready to meet him with her own ideas, strengths and hopes.

While single, Sara had chosen to create a rich, full life for herself and was then prepared to start a relationship with someone who could compliment her discoveries and share the happiness she was already experiencing. She recently commented, “I really unraveled some of my narrow views on what I thought it took to be happy, like thinking that it was impossible without a boyfriend. Eventually, I stopped waiting for someone else to complete me. That is when Tim showed up. Now, I am becoming more whole day-by-day, and even though I love and adore Tim, I know that he is not the answer to my happiness. I am.”

Unity Minister Susan Burnett-Hampson tells of the break-up of a significant relationship before she met her husband, Stan. “I had strong feelings for this man, and as we were parting, I realized that, the love is in me. It is mine. It will go with me. And this will attract a similarly high level of love. It may sound obvious, but the message this time was more profound. I really got it.” Susan’s connection and subsequent loss helped her realize that she was the source of true love. That love moved within her, wherever she was. Eventually, she took that love with her into a happy and fulfilling marriage to Stan.

In recognizing that the buck stops with us and that there is no one to blame for feelings of despair or credit with our happiness (except ourselves), we are creating the true foundation for lasting joy. Instead of focusing on what we can get somewhere else, or who we can blame if it doesn’t happen, let us be willing to become immersed in the delight of our own being. And when we decide to do so, no longer are we bothered with the fading fears and outdated messages of need and want. Eventually, our Royal Essence will emerge as our only reality, and we will then be emancipated from the prison of lack and insufficiency.

Love,

Luann

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I would so appreciate your thoughts & Feedback! Please comment on this post here.

Above excerpt variation was taken from my book “Happily Ever After Right Now… Stop Searching! Start Celebrating!” p. 73-74

You can find the book “Happily Ever After Right Now. Stop Searching! Start Celebrating!” here.

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Image Credithttp://www.womenwithdrive.org/2012/02/24/how-to-find-what-you-seek/


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Your Awakened Heart

 

The Heart

The Heart (Photo credit: petalouda62)

 

Keep awakening and opening your heart. Notice when you feel joy. Be present with this feeling and remember that this is your natural state. Be aware of feelings of pain that may arise. You might react because you instinctively resist this pain. Be willing to sit still with it for a minute. Become intimate with the twinge and tenderness that you are experiencing. See if you can pinpoint where the pain is most acute. Where are you the most sensitive? Where do you feel particularly vulnerable around this ache in your heart? Do you feel jumpy, heavy, restless or motionless? Can you have a conversation with this pain? If so, what does it have to say to you? Can it teach you anything about yourself? If it has to do with your connection to another person, realize that this connection, and all that accompanies it, is no accident. Everything that has occurred in this relationship has the potential to help you grow and expand your levels of consciousness. Allow yourself to feel any discontent that may be coming to your awareness. Begin to comfort yourself with love and compassion. Notice that these feelings of love and compassion are ever available to you. 

 

Understand that the benefit of allowing yourself to go deeply toward the feeling you wanted to resist, actually guided you in the direction of opening your heart. Allow yourself to fully feel the gift of compassion that you are offering here. Then permit your compassion to overflow and reach anyone else who may be stuck (including the individual that helped to awaken you to this experience), so that s/he might benefit from the powerful energy that you are recruiting. You are courageous. You are Passionate. You have the ability to dramatically effect positive change, both within yourself and in others. Don’t wait. Start now. 

 

We are not separate beings roaming the planet disconnected from one another. Rather, we are one with each other and all that exists. What I give to you, will return to me. If I bestow love unto each of my brothers and sisters, so shall I receive back in full bounty the love that I have offered in one way or another. And, as I become more and more identified with the love that is the root of my being, I will notice that I am blessed with a burning desire to share everything I came here to create. In waking up to the truth, I can recognize the multitude of creative expressions with which I can choose to share my own personal genius with the world. I am part of the whole and yet, ironically, I must differentiate from this whole to become more connected. The joy of endowing the Earth with my own unique imagination is what connects me to expansion. As I offer my gifts to facilitate growth in others, each one can combine what they have received with their own distinct talents and “pay forward” the entire package. There is no end to the cycle of creativity that begins with your Passions and inspirations. 

 

Once I have dabbled in the delight that is the natural result of such a process, I can begin to let go of the conditioning that has produced in me a need-based paradigm of relationship and love. In viewing life through a different lens I am fully aware that the idea of a Prince Charming, who will come along and save me, is part of a fairy-tale fantasy that no longer serves my true purpose on this planet. Rather, it is in the bringing forward of my Passions that I will quiet the longing which, I once believed could only be satisfied by some external event (like hooking up with the Brute or the Prince).  

 

If you take away nothing else, take away this: You are courageous. You are Passionate. You have the ability to dramatically effect positive change, both within yourself and in others. Don’t wait. Start now. 

 

Love,

 

Luann

 

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Above excerpt taken from my book “Happily Ever After Right Now… Stop Searching! Start Celebrating!” p. 160-162

 

Be sure to forward this to someone you love.

 

I would so appreciate your thoughts & Feedback! Please comment on this post here.

 

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You can find the book “Happily Ever After Right Now. Stop Searching! Start Celebrating!” here.

 


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Choosing to be “Queen”

Queen Candace of the Ethiopians

Queen Candace of the Ethiopians (Photo credit: principia aesthetica)

The following is an excerpt from Chapter 2 of my book, Happily Ever After Right Now, “Magnificence: Choosing to be Queen”:

As a psychotherapist, I have listened to hundreds of clients repeat the same story. They are either looking for the perfect relationship, or else they are in a relationship that has turned out to be less than perfect and want their partner to change. Need I mention that most of these clients are women? In every case, they have set aside their power and forgotten their innate sovereignty. Instead, they are looking outside, to the world or to someone else, to be their saving grace, the answer to their heart’s desires, the key to long-term happiness. They have forgotten their value. They have forgotten their worth. They have forgotten that they are Queens.

Merriam Webster’s (1989) definition of a Queen is “something personified as a woman, who is considered the best or most important of her kind.” That something is Magnificence:

“noble in character; great in deed or exalted in place; marked by stately grandeur and lavishness; strikingly beautiful or impressive; sumptuous in structure and adornment; exceptionally fine” (Webster, 1989, p.440).

That’s what’s inside of you. That’s who you are…A powerful woman. A grounded woman. A woman, whose self-esteem radiates from every cell of her being.  Begin to think of yourself in these terms. Every single event that has brought you to this moment has laid the foundation for your Magnificence to emerge. Claim it, now.

Have you been looking outside of yourself for the key to long-term happiness? If so, go easy on yourself. To do so is dialed-in to your DNA. And, you can change your wiring. How? Start out by being AWARE on when you are giving your power away and turning over your happiness to something or someone else.

Looking forward to discussing this with you.

Love,

Luann

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On Hummingbirds And Happiness

originally posted on website June 14, 2010

“The goodness of a thing lies in its awareness and realization of its specific nature.” – Aristotle

Dear Friends,

The last time we connected in January it seemed it could be a long winter’s journey into spring. Now, suddenly it is June when the days extend endlessly into dusk and dawn starts to light up the sky just a few hours after midnight. About the time I find the lengthy winters in Colorado intolerable, summer boldly announces itself. And to me, the hummingbird (appropriately named for its captivating hum) is the official ambassador of the season. They have a magical way of ushering in the warm, sunny days, and bear a stunning resemblance to Peter Pan’s Tinkerbelle (if you are inclined to use your imagination).

While observing these fascinating creatures over the past several years, I have noticed that it seems they have a breathtaking ability to be fully engaged in whatever they are doing. And I suppose their innate wisdom informs them to do so. How else would they be able to muster the focus that keeps them from falling out of the sky? And what gives them the skill and momentum to suspend themselves in mid-air, fluttering their wings from forty to eighty and even up to two hundred times a second? Where does the ability to perform these acrobatics as well as the “innate wisdom” that guides them, originate? To me, the answer is obvious. Mother Nature.

When migrating, hummingbirds go for thousands of miles and soar to unfathomable heights while abstaining from food-all with a remarkable focus. Upon their return to your summer garden for nourishment from the nectar of the flowers, they will contribute to the life cycle of the providing plant with their delicate sipping extraction. And while connecting to the blossom, not only can they hover indefinitely in a state of uncanny suspension, but they also have the ability to fly in any direction whenever they choose. Then once they have been satiated by the sweet snack that attracted them, they will most certainly dart off in a blink without any attachment whatsoever to the experience. Because they know without knowing that they will always be cared for by the Divine cycle of Life in which they are fully engaged.

Doesn’t every living creature come from the same magnificent Mother Nature that created the hummingbird? And if so, don’t we humans being part of that Divine Life Stream, have a shot at developing our own version of magnificence? What then interrupts us from being able to awaken this brilliance of ours? Why does it appear that we can often find it so challenging to be fully engaged in whatever we are doing? Are we sometimes (or often) pestered by the inconvenient interruptions of our insidious beliefs? And can these be exacerbated by a menacing mind that never stops? Does this endless chatter take us away from the possibility of being fully connected to whatever it is we might be doing in the moment? If the tiny hummingbird can be so fully engaged in life, why is it sometimes difficult for us in our humanity to do so?

I have serious doubts that hummingbirds suffer. They might incur injuries or physical impediments that cause them pain, but it is unlikely that they ever sit around and wonder about their usefulness in the world, their personal feelings of worth, how they have been rejected or betrayed by other hummingbirds, or whether or not they are loved and cared for. They just go along offering their magic, doing what they do, or perhaps more appropriately-being who they are, accepting and expanding their territory from a bird’s point of view.

So what about human suffering? Is it possible that it could sometimes be self-inflicted because of how we buy into our beliefs and perceptions of what is so? And due to our conditioning over time, isn’t it often difficult, if not impossible to budge these beliefs and perceptions into a more positive way of framing things, thereby making us more available for each of the precious moments of our existence? (Here is a clue on how the hummingbird has an advantage-s/he is not in the least distracted by beliefs and perceptions).

Having been a professional in the mental health world for over twenty years, I have been exposed to many interventions for the relief of suffering, some of which are focused on changing our thoughts. And, I have found the exercise of such to be both personally and professionally challenging. How can you argue with a mind (argue being the key word here) that has had its way with you for thousands of years? It is a combination of primal conditioning, genetic inherited thought, and an infinite array of environmental influences to which you have been repeatedly exposed. I would say the odds are pretty much stacked against you if you think you are going to get rid of all of that stuff. Therefore, you can imagine my relief when I discovered a new way of addressing the thought-changing-dilemma through my work with Andandagiri and Krishnaraj, faculty members of One World Academy (www.oneworldacademy.com).

Among the many beautiful teachings that they offer, I find the following has been key in my own process of transformation: If you can become consciously aware of when you are being triggered by a person (either yourself or another) or event, you will automatically be focusing your momentum in an entirely different way. Rather than going into a fizz or trying to fix things by plotting what to do from a reactive lens, instead, you will be stepping back, even if only for a nanosecond, and aligning with the more peaceful, Witnessing you, that is ever present to guide and protect. This Unmoved Mover will systematically calm the spin you are in-every single time. All you have to do is to be willing to allow whatever is going on in that mind of yours (by being aware) without a need to do anything. It is then, in that momentary awareness that you will be quietly informed by your Wise Internal Counsel on how to respond to the situation, if at all. And how will you discern the difference between your responsive voice and your reactive voice? The latter will always want to make a case for being right. It never listens. It only wants to speak and be heard. The responsive Voice on the other hand, has no agenda. It takes It’s time and is only interested in truth, growth, and the highest good for all involved.

“The opposite of smasara (sanskrit word for suffering) is when all the walls fall down, when the cocoon completely disappears and we are totally open to whatever may happen…”-Pema Chodron (The Wisdom of No Escape ).

For some reason (I have never been able to determine why) we humans want to be significant. We strive for significance across all areas of our lives. We want to be noticed and loved and important. And so we build skyscrapers around our hearts to protect our vulnerability in an effort to be more significant without being hurt or damaged in the process. If we are fortunate, what we eventually come to learn is that the only way we can be safe is when we are willing to fully become exactly who we are. And of course if we are all connected to the Grand Life Stream of magnificence, wouldn’t it make sense that who we really are is already magnificent-without our ever efforting or trying to make it so? Coming to such a realization requires letting go of the walls, the cocoon, and the need to be significant. Hummingbirds know this and so they don’t have to prove anything. They just continue practicing who they are in all of the moments of now by going along about their business, making their exquisite contributions to the world and receiving back in kind. When you think about it, isn’t their way of operating in the world a pretty simple formula for happiness?

Rest easy. Don’t work so hard at it. You already know what to do. And if you need another suggestion on how to jump start things a bit, take this lovely offering from an old friend with whom I recently connected. This was his response when I told him my wish for him is that he is sublimely happy. “I am happiest when I can live in gratitude for all the things, big and small, that are in my life.” Pretty much sums it up, don’t you think?

Loving you,

Luann