What a Gem

Thoughts to Contemplate by Dr. Luann Robinson Hull

Reprogramming Ourselves: Stepping Away From Love Addiction

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Reprogram-Your-Mindset

Letting go of lifelong habits involves introducing new thought forms to replace the old ones and learning how to make them stick. We all have the potential to begin our relationships from a healthy seed, but when it is neglected and left to rot, it cannot germinate and grow into its full and lasting potential. The endless cycle of “love”/loss repeats itself until or unless the participants individually and collectively become conscious of what is causing the decay.

Our addictions cannot be released until we recognize them as such — until we can admit to ourselves what we are doing and that it is a sure recipe for disaster. That is the first step. The next step is to change. Naturally, we will resist. Any transition can seem formidable (not to mention the idea of giving up an addiction), and yet the more dangerous position is to remain stuck in what does not serve our growth and expansion. Recognizing the self-defeating tendencies that result in misery and suffering is the task at hand. We can transcend these patterns. Let us die to these outdated, constricted ways of being, so that we can truly live the lives we are destined to enjoy. We owe it to ourselves and to our children to offer a new legacy of love.

When we expect someone or something to be “the answer” to all our needs, we overlook the fact that our authentic self can only emerge and be actualized through Divine access. “No thing,” person, place, or event in the external world can provide a link to our unique heavenly umbilical cord, which is the only connection to true and lasting happiness. This is an internal and blessed lifeline from which we have never been disconnected in the first place. We simply have to remember that when we are operating out of separation, we’ve forgotten our raison d’être: we were given the gift of life so that we could imagine ourselves into our unique Magnificence. We stand on the threshold of possibilities. We came here to create and bring forward something that humanity has not yet experienced. It can only happen through the vehicle that is you. Therefore, it is the individual responsibility of those of us who are willing to wake up, one by one, from our individual dream states, and deliver what we came here to share. And the awakening into truly loving and being loved starts from within.

When you are having a bad dream and believe yourself to be chased by monsters, what is the quickest solution to your plight? One way is to stop, turn and face the monster, then watch as it melts away — like when the Wicked Witch of the West disintegrated in The Wizard of Oz as Dorothy face her fears (Baum, 1993). Maybe a simpler approach is to just wake up and find yourself snuggled safely in your own bed. What will it take for us to jolt ourselves out of what we perceive to be the nightmare of our lives? We must begin by letting go of our tendencies to attach and cling, particularly to situations that are burdened with adversity and pain. Even so, it does take enormous courage to change the behaviors that have become so familiar to us. Somehow, we have convinced ourselves that the unfamiliar is more formidable than the formidable familiar.

Observing the behavior of children who are wards of the state because of abuse and/or neglect by their parents or primary caretakers provides a remarkable example of resistance to change. Frequently, if given a choice, these children would prefer to stay in environments of intolerable suffering rather than agree to be placed in a potentially loving, secure foster home. The children’s desire to choose abuse and neglect rather than to alter their environments shows how fear of the unknown influences our decisions and choices, especially when we feel threatened. We are often more freaked out by the unknown than almost anything else, including predictable patterns of abuse and neglect. Even though it seems absurd that we would prefer cruelty and mistreatment (such as in the case of “battered women”) to liberation and freedom, the fact is, that often we do. These patterns are deeply conditioned in us. And, we have the power to move beyond the paradigm of fear-based behavior.

Love,

Luann

(To read further on this subject, see my post “Waking into Your Life” as well as “Relationships: Reprogramming Ourselves as Women“)

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Be sure to forward this to someone you love.

I’d love to hear from you about this article! Please post a comment or leave a reply here.

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I’ll Be in Boulder, CO on April 11th!

I’m pleased to be teaching a workshop called Conscious Leadership in Healthcare: How Caring for Others Begins With Emotional Intelligence and Self-Care with my friend and colleague Tara Sheahan,  who co-founded the Conscious Global Leadership Institute with me. You can find details on the class being offered by the Watson Caring Science Institute & International Caring Consortium here, if you’re interested to learn more: http://watsoncaringscience.org/event-registration/?ee=1.

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I’m thrilled to be published on the Huffington Post! I would love for you to take a look at my first post there, and if you’re inclined, it would be wonderful if you would click the Facebook “like” for the article, and write a comment. Click here to go to that article. Thanks so much!

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You can find the book “Happily Ever After Right Now. Stop Searching! Start Celebrating!” here.

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Excerpt from page 93-95 of my book, “Happily Ever After Right Now… Stop Searching! Start Celebrating!”

Image Credit: http://louisredemption.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Reprogram-Your-Mindset.jpg

GRATITUDE: 

I want to extend a very special thanks and gratitude to Cindy and all of those on my wonderful “Happily” team who make these posts (as well as the emails and social media) possible, and make them come together in a beautiful way!  Without their dedication and help, I wouldn’t be here “blogging” or sharing information with you electronically!  I would still be writing on my yellow tablets!

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5 thoughts on “Reprogramming Ourselves: Stepping Away From Love Addiction

  1. You know, one of the things I am always telling my girlfriends is “We need to reprogram your brain, girl!” GREAT post!

  2. I can’t stress enough to the women I meet who are struggling to find and “keep” Mr. Right… you must have a paradigm shift in your brain about what “relationships” are supposed to “be”… this illustrates that… GREAT post!

    • Yes. It helps to realize that our programming is OLD. In order to change ourselves we have to shift the focus from “him” to ourselves. What can we offer and contribute? How can we optimize our own potential? YOU are a great example of doing just that, Lisa!

  3. Pingback: 22 Things Happy People Do Differently (Reblog) | Lisa Jey Davis

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