What a Gem

Thoughts to Contemplate by Dr. Luann Robinson Hull

Watch for Familiar Patterns


Continuing in our series,“New Year, New View, New Perspective,” here is Step 2, which is “Watch For Familiar Patterns.” We are working toward “repositioning” or changing the messages about relationships in our minds (our conditioning).  I believe this week’s step is crucial in developing a fresh, new perspective on intimacy and how we relate to our partners.

Watch for Familiar Patterns Image

If what’s played out between you and your partner feels familiar, it probably is. Be vigilant. It is critical that you notice the behavioral patterns showing up here that haven’t worked for you before, so that you can clearly see what you want to change in yourself.

We will cover the topic of “As Without, So Within,” next week, and how to begin to make subtle changes in yourself that will benefit your relationships. In the meantime be open to taking a look at what you are doing that may not be serving you or your relationship. For example, do you have a habit of withholding your feelings in order to keep peace? If you are living and breathing on this planet, there have probably been times when you haven’t been completely honest about what is really going on in your inner world. And chances are your partner may be doing the same thing. If this is the case your unexpressed feelings can start to build a case on who or what is wrong (and it likely isn’t going to feel like it’s you). For just one week, see if you can practice noticing when you might withhold. Be willing to look a little deeper and then, without judgment, see what you discover. Is there a pattern here?


On February 16th, I’ll be speaking in Dallas at the Smart Decisions conference on “Happily Ever After Right Now…After Divorce” and will cover how people who’ve gone through divorce can experience “Happily Ever After” in the here and now, with or without Mr. or Ms. Right. If you or someone you know lives in or near Dallas, I’d love for you to join me! To purchase tickets and more information, click here. I hope to see you there!




Be sure to forward this to someone you love.

I’d love to hear from you! Please post a comment or leave a reply here.

You can find the book “Happily Ever After Right Now. Stop Searching! Start Celebrating!” here.

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Excerpt taken from page 118 of my book, “Happily Ever After… Right Now”

Image credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/egnaro/6147051947/


14 thoughts on “Watch for Familiar Patterns

  1. Beautifully put. And once the patterns are recognized, it’s difficult to change them….

  2. Well said. I’m guessing a lot of us, men and women, keep things inside to keep the peace. Maybe it’s time to shake things up… 🙂

  3. The question is how do you filter what should come out.

    • Hi Onisha! Thanks for commenting… the best way I’ve found is to wait and breathe before reacting. You must practice it. At first you may not filter very well, but as your partner’s responses show you how they feel from your statements, pay attention. If something upsets them, the next time you want to say something like that, think about it… stop…. breathe…. take a walk – whatever… and come up with another way of saying it. Ask friends and family if you must… but also use words like “I feel… this way…” rather than “you make me feel,” or “you’re doing this, or not doing that…” I hope that helps!

  4. I love this! I am ALL about changing up the patterns every now and then, if at all possible! 🙂

  5. Self analysis and honesty are the two most difficult things to do, in my opinion. I think it’s only when we can be honest with ourselves that we can really have a meaningful relationship with someone else. Lovely post!

  6. Very nicely put for age-old issues. I shall take your challenge. Thank you. 🙂

  7. Thank you Elise! Good to see you here! XO

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