When we focus on and trust our insights and inspirations (which are the voices that guide us to fulfilling our passions and dreams), the urgent need to obtain security in another or outside of us will begin to melt away and eventually disappear. Widows who have learned to become dependent on their husbands, for example, often discover a multitude of inner strength, courage, and wisdom following the death of their spouse. The same is true of women who have broken up with their partners. As they move through the stages of grief, they are frequently astounded by the sense of power and delight that accompanies the process of developing their independence.
Sara made some important discoveries about herself while spending almost an entire year without a significant other. Even though she missed having a boyfriend at times, she realized that there were aspects about being single that brought her absolute joy. Her discoveries included learning about her dining preferences, what movies she liked, and when she wanted to stay home to enjoy a quiet evening alone. A few months into the experience, she began to notice a sense of fulfillment and joy that was unprecedented in her life. During this time frame, her career soared, and several friendships with both women and men flourished. When she started a relationship with Tim, whom she now describes as “the love of her life,” she was ready to meet him with her own ideas, strengths and hopes.
While single, Sara had chosen to create a rich, full life for herself and was then prepared to start a relationship with someone who could compliment her discoveries and share the happiness she was already experiencing. She recently commented, “I really unraveled some of my narrow views on what I thought it took to be happy, like thinking that it was impossible without a boyfriend. Eventually, I stopped waiting for someone else to complete me. That is when Tim showed up. Now, I am becoming more whole day-by-day, and even though I love and adore Tim, I know that he is not the answer to my happiness. I am.”
Unity Minister Susan Burnett-Hampson tells of the break-up of a significant relationship before she met her husband, Stan. “I had strong feelings for this man, and as we were parting, I realized that, the love is in me. It is mine. It will go with me. And this will attract a similarly high level of love. It may sound obvious, but the message this time was more profound. I really got it.” Susan’s connection and subsequent loss helped her realize that she was the source of true love. That love moved within her, wherever she was. Eventually, she took that love with her into a happy and fulfilling marriage to Stan.
In recognizing that the buck stops with us and that there is no one to blame for feelings of despair or credit with our happiness (except ourselves), we are creating the true foundation for lasting joy. Instead of focusing on what we can get somewhere else, or who we can blame if it doesn’t happen, let us be willing to become immersed in the delight of our own being. And when we decide to do so, no longer are we bothered with the fading fears and outdated messages of need and want. Eventually, our Royal Essence will emerge as our only reality, and we will then be emancipated from the prison of lack and insufficiency.
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Above excerpt variation was taken from my book “Happily Ever After Right Now… Stop Searching! Start Celebrating!” p. 73-74
You can find the book “Happily Ever After Right Now. Stop Searching! Start Celebrating!” here.
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